Getting Out of Your Own Way

I distinctly remember my junior high basketball coach telling me in practice one day that if I could only get out of my own way, I would surprise myself. She was being kind by not adding that if I could have only learned how to play basketball that would have helped too, but that's another post for another day. While the mechanics of basketball may or may not have stuck with me, my coach's comment always has and as the years have gone by I now know what she meant by it. You see, I was never going to be the most talented kid on our team (far from it). But I would spend so much energy anticipating that I would fail or focusing on my weaknesses compared to the rest of my teammates, that I couldn't allow myself to be in the moment, enjoy the journey, and see how I was growing and becoming (very, very slightly) better over time - as in when you're the kid who gets cornered in your first game ever and throws the ball backwards over your head without looking, well just about anything after that is an improvement.

But on the days I would let myself have fun - and for that three week stint where I actually convinced myself that with enough hard work all 5'4" of me could be a center for UNC and play in the WNBA (ummm have I mentioned I have always had a flare for the dramatic vs athletic?)- I would actually remember what to do, and even occasionally score a basket or two along the way.

Flash forward to today and things aren't all that different in mental energy la-la land. For the past few weeks I have been spending the bulk of my runs focusing on the negative instead of the positive. How much slower I am after being sidelined in late summer by a severe chest cold that stuck around just long enough for me to slip back into old bad habits and skip a few too many runs through the early Fall. How my weekly mileage base is not yet back where I want and need it to be. How I am not as (fast/fit/close to reaching my goals) as some of my most amazing and inspiring teammates. The list goes on and on. And not surprisingly, those runs have felt tedious and draining, and not because of the physical work being done. My own mental energy was dragging me down and I was getting in my own way.

After a stern talking to (hey self, knock it off), I realized I needed to snap out of it. Instead of focusing on how much slower I have been these past few weeks compared to earlier this year (when I had been training consistently for months), how about focusing on the fact that my "slow" pace now is still better than my best pace when I started running again nearly two years and 60 pounds heavier ago? Instead of cursing that my weekly mileage base is not yet back where I want it to be, how about celebrating that some miles are better than no miles? And instead of constantly doubting my own abilities in comparison to everyone else and saying "I will never be like (person)," how about letting those I admire most become my inspiration as I reach higher and push harder through this journey so that "one day I will run like (person)."

So this morning as I prepared to head out for three miles when I had planned to do four (thanks traffic), I caught myself slipping backwards into the rabbit hole by cursing that I would be one mile short versus being grateful for three miles more than if I had hit the snooze button. But then I stepped outside into the most beautiful morning with autumn's splendor on full display and it literally took my breath away. It was so beautiful that as I started running and kicking through the golden hued carpet of leaves lining Commonwealth Avenue, all I could focus on was how much I love this time of year. Not my pace. Not my mileage. Not my performance in comparison to all the other runners with the same half crazy grins plastered their face as they enjoyed the sunshine and unseasonably warm temperatures. And that's when it happened. I got out of my own way and suddenly I looked down and was half-way through the run and averaging a 9:15 pace (which I hadn't seen in months!).

Who knows, if I can continue staying out of my own way and working my pace the WNBA might just give me a call after all. But I'll probably be too busy training for a marathon.

Click HERE to support Erin as she completes the 2016 Dana-Farber Marathon Challenge