Monday Motivation: 2 Weeks and Counting!

Last year we trained through one of the worst winters on record, so it would not have surprised me in the least if it had snowed in early April or even on Marathon Monday itself. But this year has been a completely different story (in many ways) and in contrast to last year, we barely got any snow. Apparently Mother Nature has decided to make up for that and it has been snowing since the weekend.

Thus is the first thing you learn when training for and running a marathon: anything can and will happen. The second thing? You have very little control over it. So, when I came out to my car this morning and it was encased within 3 inches of ice with another 3 inches of snow on top of it, well, all I could do was laugh (okay fine - I may have let a few expletives slip out before I started laughing). It is what it is and, as they say, if you don't like the weather in New England, wait a minute.  And with two weeks to go, even some unexpected snow can't dampen the marathon excitement that is continuing to build each day. I had to stop myself from dancing around with glee when I went to snap this photo to show ya'll the view of snowy Boylston street and saw that New Balance had unveiled a new "Nobody Runs Like Boston" sign at the 26 mile mark.

This past Saturday I wrapped up my major training with a rainy 11 miler in NYC. While I had planned to do an 18 miler, I had to cut my run short for good reason - my parents were making record time on their drive to NYC, and the entire point of my visit was to surprise my Dad with tickets to the Rangers game for his 60th birthday. My planned route had me starting down in Union Square and running across 14th Street, then cutting down to 10th before cutting over to pick up the East River greenway. From there I planned on wrapping around the bottom of Manhattan, past the Battery, and straight on up the Hudson greenway to the very top of Manhattan which is my old neighborhood. Riding the A train downtown bright and early, I thought back to years ago when I was new to the city and trying to find my way to the multitude of studios and theatres. I would find comfort in spotting fellow performers with a day's worth of music, dance gear, and headshots shoved into a bag with one script or another in hand, and then I would follow them as they expertly weaved their way through the stations and streets towards yet another audition line. Upon arriving you would share a quick nod of solidarity that you were both there for the same reason, with the same hopes. "These are my people" I used to think. It was a bittersweet memory as I reflected on how different my life is now - and not at all different in a bad way, just so different than what my 22 year old self used to daydream about on that very same train.

As the train finally lurched to a halt at 14th street, I shook away the nostalgia and focused on the run at hand. As the doors opened and the crowd surged onto the platform, I noticed a group of 5 runners come out of the neighboring car. With their loaded fuel belts, GPS watches, and rain layers akin to my own, I couldn't hold back my smile as I thought "THESE are my people now!" I practically skipped up the steps as we exited the station and as we spilled out onto the sidewalk we were greeted by a torrential downpour. There was just enough time for quick nod of solidarity at the dismal conditions before we each went our separate way. "Maybe things haven't changed all that much after all" I thought as I set out on my run.

Despite the rain, there were many runners out and about on the greenway. I tried not to worry about pace and just let myself get out of my head and enjoy the run. I snapped a few photos along the way (mainly for Dave who was keeping Grandpa company at breakfast and sharing my GPS link so they could track me), and then just as I rounded the Battery the rain slowly tapered off and it warmed up a bit. I continued northbound and started to get excited about my favorite stretches of the Hudson greenway past the 72nd street boat basin, etc. but that is when I learned my parents were likely going to arrive much sooner than planned and once you get onto that stretch of the greenway, it's a little bit more difficult to dash back over towards the trains/cabs. I was feeling great but definitely didn't want to risk being late so I decided to adjust my route and run back towards Columbus Circle where I knew I could use restrooms, grab a recovery drink, and hop back on the train uptown.  It must have been fate because my watch clicked to 11 miles even just as I came to the entrance to the shops. Despite cutting it short, I felt good about the run and had no pain or other issues - so mentally and physically, I count it as a win!

It is really hard to believe we are at the two week mark, made even harder by looking at the snow which continues to swirl outside my office window. The focus now will continue to be on staying healthy, hydrated, rested, and focused on why and for who I am running. More to come this week as we head into the final weeks!

Friday Motivation: One Month Countdown and Why I Run

Last night I stayed up far later than usual (thanks to an evening run and a few post-run St. Patrick's day libations with my teammates) and as I got ready for bed the clock struck midnight and the date changed on my phone. As I stared down at those glowing numbers I could not supress a surge of energy and started dancing around the room with excitement. "Are you okay?" Dave asked, while giving me a look that questioned just how many pints of Guinness I had enjoyed. "I'm more than okay - ONE MONTH FROM TODAY I'M RUNNING THE BOSTON MARATHON!!!" I cheered as I continued dancing around the room. Fully versed by this point in what it means to be married to a crazy runner prepping for a big race, Dave smiled and allowed me to continue my celebration a bit longer before reminding me that I needed to save some of that energy for the actual race and get to sleep (good point dear, good point).

So here we go, the one month countdown to the 120th Boston Marathon. Earlier this week our bib numbers were assigned (I hear 26470 is the one to watch) and this morning the traditional banners that will grace the streets of Boston leading up to the race were unveiled. All winter long there has been a quiet buzz throughout greater Boston, and beyond, as runners have trained for one of our city's most beloved traditions. In the next 31 days that buzz will grow to a palpable roar as we prepare to host the 30,000 plus runners, as well as the countless (and indispensable) volunteers and spectators who come together for our Patriots' Day celebration.

It is an exciting time for sure.

It is also bittersweet. My training season has been less than ideal and I have been repeatedly sidelined by respiratory issues, culminating in my most recent bout with what I can only dub "the plague" which cost me about a month of vital training time. While last winter's record setting weather meant we were often confined to repeatedly running the infamous Newton hills, that training made us stronger. This season, I have been battling painful calf cramps that begin late in my long runs and which only increase with hills (though I suspect this is also a hydration/sodium issue that I am now addressing). Yet life has a funny way of giving you the perspective you need at the time you need it most.

Last Saturday was the first day I had felt 100% healthy in over a month and I was laser focused on running 16 miles for the first time this season (by this point last year I had already tackled that distance several times). About 13 miles into the run, those aforementioned calf cramps ended my run early and I had to accept a ride back to our host gym from one of our DFMC rockstar volunteers (thanks again Amy Jo!!!). By the way, only in maration training will you hear runners grumling  "I only did 13 miles," and to say I was frustrated is an understatement. After chugging a gatorade, stretching, and a much needed shower, I headed back into the gym to greet my patient partner Darla who had just arrived for our DFMC poster party. Looking around the room at my fellow teammates and their patient partners, I felt like a fraud and a failure. I found myself questioning whether I will be able to run this year's race and worried I would be letting Darla down if I could not. But as we started working on Darla's poster - which will be displayed along with all the other patient parnter posters to honor these incredible children and inspire DFMC runners on marathon weekend - I was vividly reminded why I am on this team. And running? Well, that is just one very small piece of what we do.

Together with her family, Darla and I set about crafting her new poster. I smiled as Darla supervised the design, choosing the exact shades of purple and pink to use for her name and informing us of precisely the right spot where each butterfly, heart, and smiley sticker should go. As I looked at the slew of photos from the past year,  I realized just how much Darla had grown. How much taller, stronger, and spirited she had become. And when I gave her the custom DFMC keepsake pillow my incredible teammate Heather made for her, Darla's face broke into a smile and she gave me a hug that I thought would break her tiny arms. Suddenly I realized, I was worrying about the wrong race. Because while the marathon is an incredible experience, it is just one day. The real race - the one that really counts- ends with the namesake for my blog: the ultimate finish line. A world where no child will ever have to make a poster celebrating that they went through hell and back to beat cancer (or are still going through it). A world where the word "cancer" is no longer feared because it is followed by the word "cure." A world that will be forever changed by the research happening right this very second, made possible by all those who have supported me and so many others in this journey.

So as I mentally prepare for tomorrow's group run, I thought I would share this - my Friday motivation. She is also my Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday motivation. And that race we are running one month from today? It will be a celebration. It will be a declaration. And (no matter how long it takes me), it will be a victory.

                            

Darla showing off her cheerleading moves and cheering me on!

Darla insisted we race - if I keep up this speed work,
maybe I will win the marathon! 



I am only $611.74 away from my goal of raising $13,100!!!
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Getting Out of Your Own Way

I distinctly remember my junior high basketball coach telling me in practice one day that if I could only get out of my own way, I would surprise myself. She was being kind by not adding that if I could have only learned how to play basketball that would have helped too, but that's another post for another day. While the mechanics of basketball may or may not have stuck with me, my coach's comment always has and as the years have gone by I now know what she meant by it. You see, I was never going to be the most talented kid on our team (far from it). But I would spend so much energy anticipating that I would fail or focusing on my weaknesses compared to the rest of my teammates, that I couldn't allow myself to be in the moment, enjoy the journey, and see how I was growing and becoming (very, very slightly) better over time - as in when you're the kid who gets cornered in your first game ever and throws the ball backwards over your head without looking, well just about anything after that is an improvement.

But on the days I would let myself have fun - and for that three week stint where I actually convinced myself that with enough hard work all 5'4" of me could be a center for UNC and play in the WNBA (ummm have I mentioned I have always had a flare for the dramatic vs athletic?)- I would actually remember what to do, and even occasionally score a basket or two along the way.

Flash forward to today and things aren't all that different in mental energy la-la land. For the past few weeks I have been spending the bulk of my runs focusing on the negative instead of the positive. How much slower I am after being sidelined in late summer by a severe chest cold that stuck around just long enough for me to slip back into old bad habits and skip a few too many runs through the early Fall. How my weekly mileage base is not yet back where I want and need it to be. How I am not as (fast/fit/close to reaching my goals) as some of my most amazing and inspiring teammates. The list goes on and on. And not surprisingly, those runs have felt tedious and draining, and not because of the physical work being done. My own mental energy was dragging me down and I was getting in my own way.

After a stern talking to (hey self, knock it off), I realized I needed to snap out of it. Instead of focusing on how much slower I have been these past few weeks compared to earlier this year (when I had been training consistently for months), how about focusing on the fact that my "slow" pace now is still better than my best pace when I started running again nearly two years and 60 pounds heavier ago? Instead of cursing that my weekly mileage base is not yet back where I want it to be, how about celebrating that some miles are better than no miles? And instead of constantly doubting my own abilities in comparison to everyone else and saying "I will never be like (person)," how about letting those I admire most become my inspiration as I reach higher and push harder through this journey so that "one day I will run like (person)."

So this morning as I prepared to head out for three miles when I had planned to do four (thanks traffic), I caught myself slipping backwards into the rabbit hole by cursing that I would be one mile short versus being grateful for three miles more than if I had hit the snooze button. But then I stepped outside into the most beautiful morning with autumn's splendor on full display and it literally took my breath away. It was so beautiful that as I started running and kicking through the golden hued carpet of leaves lining Commonwealth Avenue, all I could focus on was how much I love this time of year. Not my pace. Not my mileage. Not my performance in comparison to all the other runners with the same half crazy grins plastered their face as they enjoyed the sunshine and unseasonably warm temperatures. And that's when it happened. I got out of my own way and suddenly I looked down and was half-way through the run and averaging a 9:15 pace (which I hadn't seen in months!).

Who knows, if I can continue staying out of my own way and working my pace the WNBA might just give me a call after all. But I'll probably be too busy training for a marathon.

Click HERE to support Erin as she completes the 2016 Dana-Farber Marathon Challenge 

Monday Motivation: Stronger Every Run and Square Two

Yesterday I ran the B.A.A. Half Marathon. Without having trained for it. And I expected to hate every second.

Yet, for some reason, as I hobble around the house today, I am smiling and more encouraged than I have been in months. Why? Because heading into yesterday's race, all I could do was focus on how far I had drifted from my previously disciplined running routine. For weeks I had been berating myself for needing to "start all over." But races have an uncanny way of bringing you right back to where you need to be while pushing you towards the path to where you need to go next.

Heading to the start line yesterday I took a deep breath and said a prayer of thanks. For my health, my limbs, my family, friends, teammates, and an absolutely beautiful day to be alive and outdoors breathing in the fresh crisp fall air. As my group slowly surged closer to the start I felt a sense of calm wash over me. Looking around at runners of all ages, shapes, and ability while fans cheered endlessly on either side of the roadway, I stopped worrying about the should haves, could haves, and would haves and I made a choice to embrace whatever awaited me on the course. What followed was two hours and thirty-ish minutes of much needed perspective and reflection (apparently my bib did not register with the checkpoints so my official time is still TBD). 

Last year's B.A.A. half had been my first ever half marathon. And I spent most of that race questioning how on earth I would complete double that distance, as at that time I had just learned I was on the DFMC team. It too had been a beautiful October day, but I spent most of that race letting negativity wreak havoc on my psyche. I told myself I was a fool. That there was no way I could ever do it. That I wasn't a real runner and should stop pretending to be. After the race (and a good old fashioned cry), I contemplated giving up my spot to someone who I thought might deserve it more than I did. And then I told those voices to shut up and I got to work.  

As this year's race got underway and we weaved through Franklin Park, I inevitably found myself reflecting on last year's run. "Thank goodness I didn't give up," I thought to myself as we made our way through the first part of the course. And little by little as the miles clicked by, I thought through everything I had accomplished since the year before and how much I had grown as both a person and a runner. Where the year prior I had arrived to the race by myself and unsure, this year I walked confidently in the direction of teammates now friends to await the start. Where the year prior I shivered through the morning and cursed myself for not having enough layers only to have to unpin/repin my bib at mile 1 because I had too many layers once things warmed up, this year I benefitted from a wealth of layering knowledge fine tuned through this past winter. Where last year I had leg cramps and thoughts of quitting by 6.5 miles in, this year I hydrated properly before/during and suddenly found myself at mile 10 with only 3.1 to go (and yes, those were the 3.1 miles that got me, but feeling relatively strong for the first 10 was unexpected!). Yesterday's run reminded me that it wasn't about what I had lost in terms of speed or training since the summer, but rather how much I have gained through this journey thus far and all the wonderful things which still lay ahead. 

That is the essence of becoming "Stronger Every Run."

"Stronger Every Run" was my mantra last season. For whatever reason that little phrase is the one that gets me back on track every time. It isn't about finish times or pace - though it can certainly encompass those things. It means that even after your toughest run or a run where you aren't happy with your performance, training  etc., you can still come out of it stronger. Stronger from what you have learned. Stronger from what you have been inspired to work towards. And stronger from your decision to move forwards not backwards through every experience. And that is the goal

So yesterday's half certainly wasn't my best run in terms of time - nor did I train for or expect it to be - but I came out of it stronger, refocused, and ready to rock this year's marathon training and my goals for DFMC. I have not fallen back to square one but instead am reaching upwards towards the summit of square two, and I hope you will continue to support and encourage me along the way.  

Click HERE to make a gift in support of Erin as she completes the 2016 Dana-Farber Marathon Challenge