Yet, for some reason, as I hobble around the house today, I am smiling and more encouraged than I have been in months. Why? Because heading into yesterday's race, all I could do was focus on how far I had drifted from my previously disciplined running routine. For weeks I had been berating myself for needing to "start all over." But races have an uncanny way of bringing you right back to where you need to be while pushing you towards the path to where you need to go next.
Heading to the start line yesterday I took a deep breath and said a prayer of thanks. For my health, my limbs, my family, friends, teammates, and an absolutely beautiful day to be alive and outdoors breathing in the fresh crisp fall air. As my group slowly surged closer to the start I felt a sense of calm wash over me. Looking around at runners of all ages, shapes, and ability while fans cheered endlessly on either side of the roadway, I stopped worrying about the should haves, could haves, and would haves and I made a choice to embrace whatever awaited me on the course. What followed was two hours and thirty-ish minutes of much needed perspective and reflection (apparently my bib did not register with the checkpoints so my official time is still TBD).
Last year's B.A.A. half had been my first ever half marathon. And I spent most of that race questioning how on earth I would complete double that distance, as at that time I had just learned I was on the DFMC team. It too had been a beautiful October day, but I spent most of that race letting negativity wreak havoc on my psyche. I told myself I was a fool. That there was no way I could ever do it. That I wasn't a real runner and should stop pretending to be. After the race (and a good old fashioned cry), I contemplated giving up my spot to someone who I thought might deserve it more than I did. And then I told those voices to shut up and I got to work.
As this year's race got underway and we weaved through Franklin Park, I inevitably found myself reflecting on last year's run. "Thank goodness I didn't give up," I thought to myself as we made our way through the first part of the course. And little by little as the miles clicked by, I thought through everything I had accomplished since the year before and how much I had grown as both a person and a runner. Where the year prior I had arrived to the race by myself and unsure, this year I walked confidently in the direction of teammates now friends to await the start. Where the year prior I shivered through the morning and cursed myself for not having enough layers only to have to unpin/repin my bib at mile 1 because I had too many layers once things warmed up, this year I benefitted from a wealth of layering knowledge fine tuned through this past winter. Where last year I had leg cramps and thoughts of quitting by 6.5 miles in, this year I hydrated properly before/during and suddenly found myself at mile 10 with only 3.1 to go (and yes, those were the 3.1 miles that got me, but feeling relatively strong for the first 10 was unexpected!). Yesterday's run reminded me that it wasn't about what I had lost in terms of speed or training since the summer, but rather how much I have gained through this journey thus far and all the wonderful things which still lay ahead.
That is the essence of becoming "Stronger Every Run."
"Stronger Every Run" was my mantra last season. For whatever reason that little phrase is the one that gets me back on track every time. It isn't about finish times or pace - though it can certainly encompass those things. It means that even after your toughest run or a run where you aren't happy with your performance, training etc., you can still come out of it stronger. Stronger from what you have learned. Stronger from what you have been inspired to work towards. And stronger from your decision to move forwards not backwards through every experience. And that is the goal
So yesterday's half certainly wasn't my best run in terms of time - nor did I train for or expect it to be - but I came out of it stronger, refocused, and ready to rock this year's marathon training and my goals for DFMC. I have not fallen back to square one but instead am reaching upwards towards the summit of square two, and I hope you will continue to support and encourage me along the way.
